Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What are you taking for granted?

A nineteen year old boy we know went from being an active, rugby playing teenager to a little more than a vegetable in less than 48 hours of being given a wrong injection. An injection given as a routine treatment. Turned out it was the wrong shot that almost took his life. He now lies on a hospital bed, his vision blurred, his skin almost falling off. He is not the only one - as I type this and as you read it, it dawns on me that most of us take good health, a blessed family and a content life for granted. Sometimes we are not thankful to God at all for the blessing we have. As the old song goes, Count all your Blessings and name them one by one...

If we bother to take a look around us, we'll see the pain behind the mask, the sorrow behind the smile. A lot of people live in misery, whether emotional, spiritual or financial. They may not tell you but often, a little bit of body language gives them away. I remember the e mail I got recently, one of those cheer-me-up stuff that e mail friends send to one another - be patient because everyone is fighting some kind of a battle today. Which brings me to my point - are we taking a lot for granted when we should be thankful to God for every little thing we have? It could all be gone in a blink of an eye or in the most unexpected moment. The tsunami and the lives it destroyed, the havoc it wrecked in all of ten long minutes, is always a good reminder to help us realise just how fragile life could be.

Often you see people turn to various outlets - some unacceptable others tolerable, to let off steam. None of us would know the battles others are fighting - we may sometimes see the surface or guess something is wrong but we would never know the whole story. I have come to steel myself to be surprised at nothing, especially the stories you hear. As someone once said, truth is indeed stranger than fiction and will stay that way.

It is always heartening to notice that when you expose your own fears, your own vulnerabilities a little the other person will always reciprocate and in no time, you have worked on a healthy, two way dialog that can be a wonderful way to let off steam. Sometimes for souls tortured, talking is a wonderful medicine,. For others, long suffering in relationships that stink, or trapped in dead-end lives, some battling with undiagnosed mental conditions others saddled with financial problems, some with aching hearts let down badly by a loved one, one kind word opens the door to a road of recovery that no medicine can bring about.

Visit any hospital anywhere and you will soon want to count your blessings. Sickness can rob anyone of life's joy. Sickness also makes you so helpless - even the mightiest fall. And it can happen in a twinkling of an eye. Counting good health as a great blessing is appropriate when you see the number of people suffering from disease and illness all over the world. Sometimes, more hurtful than physical illness is the mental agony of cheating spouses, ungrateful children and loved ones. We live in a country that does not encourage sharing talking about your problems. No wonder we have a high suicide rate - it always helps to talk, and as the old saying goes, if you have no one to tell it to, tell the lime tree so that you get it off your chest which is the main thing really.

Anything can happen tonight. Or tomorrow. Just look at how a financially solid giant fell last year bringing down with it hundreds of others whose savings of a lifetime was tied to it. To all of us, it should be a classic eye opener on the uncertainty of life. The fragility of what some of us think is forever. Today, some of those so called millionaires have become paupers and those whose monies went up in flames have nothing to hold on to in life.

Which is why we must take nothing for granted. Be thankful to God for everything we have. For we came with nothing to this world and we can take nothing with us when we leave it. What we can take is the goodwill, the kindness, the grace of God others have seen in our lives. And for that, we must be thankful.


















Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What is the Change we want?

Just two weeks ago, a mother threw her toddler son over a bridge to a certain death in Kalutara, Sri Lanka. He survived the fall but passed away in a hospital a week or so later. Then came a another to the Homagama Courts where she gave up the custody of her children because she could not afford to bring them up. Thankfully, a few good Samaritans in the form of a police officer (yes they do exist, good Samaritan police officers) and a few well meaning businessmen of the area intervened and the mother was happily reunited with her children in a new home, with new clothes and food assured. One question after all this remains. Why?

And that's a large question. Some are quick to point the finger at an already collapsed economy unable to bear the weight of a colossal political system that sucks the lifeblood out of the country's resources. Others cite a never ending vicious cycle of ignorance and poverty that keep the majority of Sri Lankans languishing where they are. Still others blame the individuals concerned for being 'selfish' , going beyond all accepted norms of human behaviour. Now what is the conclusion we could arrive at?

The political system theory is right to an extent. Sri Lankans have always been fascinated by their politicians and continue to remain loyal to their particular brand of politics. Individuals are almost hero worshiped to the point of deity. Accountability, responsibility, transparency, positive governance are words that most us either ignore or do not care much about. Instead of asking what they could do for the country, among us the majority are those who choose to ignore all ills in the light of just one goal. Personal appeal, a nice smile, good PR or good spin can work wonders in transforming opinions. Achievements, actual projects implemented that benefit society at large are not important. The political culture emanates from individuals and keeps the opinions in check. When the political system makes the economy fall apart at the seams, breakdown firstly of values secondly of everything once held precious. And if a mother suffering the ill effects of such a sick economy could throw her son to a certain death, then it sends a clear signal to everyone else that something is very very wrong with the country's current status.

Then comes the part the cycle of poverty and ignorance plays in the life of the average Sri Lankan who falls into a lower socio-economic category. These people earn a daily living and often manage to scrape by. Fatalism, lack of opportunities and facilities and an in-built inability to escape their circumstances keep this lot 'stuck in a rut' of poverty. Ignorance haunts them, limiting their exposure to opportunities. Alcoholism, drug abuse, prostitution, child abuse are ever present evils that further handicap them from going one step above where they are destined to live and die. A few lucky ones whose sense of perseverance and success stand the test of time, may escape. The Kalutara mother obviously was caught in the familiar cycle which trapped her in its inescapable clutches. Instead of choosing to seek help, she chose an easy path even though it seemed obvious she would get caught. Even so, it may have been a death wish of sorts for her - it could have been depression, low self-esteem or so many of the conditions that in the west, would get treated. But here in a country where poverty reigns, mental health is not a priority. Even though a well known psychiatrist states that every one in five Sri Lankans suffer from some form of mental ill health.

There is also accountability that comes into play for the mother concerned. Why did she choose to have so many children - five in this case - if she could not afford to feed them? Sri Lanka has ageing population, we are supposed to have a low birth rate. The average Sri Lankan family has two children and three are considered too much. When men and women choose to have children out of boredom or necessity simply because a free health system exists and someone somewhere will always be willing to feed another mouth, they are naturally asking for trouble.

There are other factors at play here. Sri Lanka is blessed with lush greenery and there is always something around to feed hungry mouths. In the villages, unless a drought is in season, there is always jackfruit, bread fruit, sweet potatoes, coconuts, potatoes of different kinds or green leaves that can be easily begged from someone's garden. That's why Sri Lankans never go hungry, that they will always manage to have one meal a day. In the city, where even cow's dung must be bought, this is not always an option. Seasoned politicians know that city folk are tough nuts to crack with pure propaganda in contrast to the village folk whose rustic, easy going lifestyle benefits little from political interventions.

And so back to the question why - a combination of all of this convinced that mother that day to give up her most prized possession - her child. Ironic when you consider how many IVFs are done, how many women are yearning to get pregnant, how many couples long to become parents. It also depends on values that are imbibed in a society - just because you recite religious sentiments every morning or organised religion is given pride of place, values are not automatically acquired. In a society where empathy is not often its best feature, we continue to wonder why.