Lessons from the Titanic a century later..

Can we learn something from the Titanic that sank 100 years ago?

No ship in history has captured the world’s imagination like the Titanic - once dubbed the greatest ship on earth, a product of man’s superior engineering feat of the early 20th century. It was built with the kind of solid workmanship that was noted back then for British or Irish manufactured goods. Of course, today thanks to our computer based technology we know that the iron used for the building of Titanic was flawed but they did not know it at the time. For the passengers and the crew, it was considered an honour to be on the ship.

Yet, within a few days, it all collapsed. Hit by an iceberg, the Titanic sank with 1,500 on board. It had never occurred to the ship’s owners that there maybe a need for lifeboats. They did away with the exact number of lifeboats needed because it was thought the boats may spoil the design and aesthetic feel of the ship. In the end, The Titanic did not have adequate lifeboats for everyone - even the lifeboats that were loaded were half full as they were lowered to a devouring sea by a confused crew, who did not have the time to engage in a lifeboat drill before the disaster took place.

The great ship

As the world remembers the 1,500 that perished - men, women and children - there are many lessons the great ship teaches us, lying as it does beneath the ocean. The movie based on the ship directed by James Cameron brought the tragedy closer to millions of people across the world - and highlighted some of the things that may have gone wrong for the passengers who perished, many of whom were in search of a better life. The irony of the Titanic was that the mega rich died or survived side by side with the poorest of the poor - the ocean was indeed a great leveler.

The biggest lesson Titanic teaches us is never to trust wholly the works of man - be it a machine or a plan. There are bound to be faults, points where no matter how good or solid it seems, the toughest will still give away at the most unexpected time.

The Titanic - once dubbed the greatest ship on earth

No one ever imagined at the time that a ship built so strong, with such luxury, among whose passengers were the world’s wealthiest, could sink so soon. Things can and do go wrong. Expecting everything to work 100 percent, even in this technologically advanced world of ours, is not always right.

There needs to be a Plan B to fall back on. The what-ifs will always be there and it just might be good to think of alternatives.

The Titanic was too busy being important and doing her much publicized sailing to bother about the small things. The telegraphic operator was too busy sending out the social telegrams of the VIP passengers that he could not be bothered about the iceberg warnings sent in by a smaller ship. They were so confident of their position as the world’s most prestigious ship that they did not have the time to listen to the advice of a smaller, insignificant ship. In life, that happens often. The bigger the better; the smaller things that are often small yet significant is often ignored with disastrous consequences.

Many of Titanic’s passengers were rich but money had little relevance once the water started seeping in. The movie Titanic shows one rich passenger trying to bribe an officer with fistful of cash - only to be told that the money was useless to people trying to survive a sinking ship. Money is important yes but sometimes is not relevant to some of the situations we face in life. Throwing money in the face of such circumstances will get us nowhere.

Class differences

The clear class divisions that were present even as people fought for their lives, did not do good to anyone. How could anyone watch as hapless children and women perished merely because they belonged to the third class - the poor who were travelling to America in search of a better life? Many women and children of the first and the second class were directed to life boats but the third class or steerage as they were known, were simply not considered important enough.

The rigidity of class difference shocked the world in the aftermath of the tragedy. The Titanic disaster helped ease class differences to an extent, when the inquiry held into the accident revealed many more class differences that actually led to terrible consequences.

Human dignity

It was a world today’s generations cannot understand - there were classifications that set people apart. These were the days when human dignity, equal rights and protection of the vulnerable were not considered key issues in the civilized world.

There were male passengers who disguised themselves as women to merely escape on life boats and were later, when found out, shunned for their cowardice. It was a time when women and children were strictly given preference over men and to hide in a woman’s clothing and escape while women and children from third class languished on the sinking ship, was considered unforgivable.

The Titanic continues to hold our interest as the original movie comes out in 3D and the world continues to hold in fascination the story. The lessons however are there for us to learn and hopefully abide by. - TAKEN FROM CEYLON DAILY NEWS OF 18TH APRIL 2012

• (Nayomini, a senior journalist/writer and a senior PR Professional can be contacted at nayominiweerasooriya@gmail. com)

The Queen Bee syndrome – Women against women at the workplace

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The typical Queen Bee types show standard Alpha Male characteristics – dominant, ambitious, result driven and somewhat insecure about those who might hinder her development. She actually feels threatened by other women who might be younger, better or more ambitious

From page 1 We have all heard the stories, the legends, the gripes about her – the senior female executive who isn’t really attuned to the blooming careers of younger women under her. As much as I, like the rest of sisterhood, would love to deny it, it does exist. Specifically, she does exist. As women, all of us have met her, at one time or another and we recall the horror stories of the Queen Bee (QB), a term developed by a team of psychologists back in 1974, which included a Sri Lankan as well. Staines, Tavris and Jayaratne developed the concept of ‘Queen Bee’, based on a study of over 20,000 people.

“The Queen Bee who is successful in a male-dominated field feels little animosity toward the system that permitted her to reach the top, and little animosity toward the men who praise her for being so unique. She identifies with the specific male colleagues who are her reference group, rather than with the diffuse concept of women as a class. The Queen Bee thereby disassociates herself from the fundamental issues of equality for women, while reassuring her male colleagues that she is not of that militant ilk,” was how they defined their concept.

She is the glass ceiling

The Queen Bee has often had to work her way up the ladder the hard way. She doesn’t merely believe in the Glass Ceiling; she is the glass ceiling. She seems to pursue a singular rationale – she has had to work as hard as any man and it would only be fair that the women who came after her should not have it any easier. Some believe that the Queen Bee also acts out of lesser conclusive motives – such as envy and envy’s cousin, jealousy.

In a study that supports the Queen Bee theory, the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin conducted a research exercise in which older female participants clearly showed prejudice against female leaders than male or younger participants. The concept as a valid ground for harassment at the work place has found favour, with so many law suits being filed against Queen Bee personalities who either threatened or sabotaged the career of a younger woman.

The typical Queen Bee types show standard Alpha Male characteristics – dominant, ambitious, result driven and somewhat insecure about those who might hinder her development. She actually feels threatened by other women who might be younger, better or more ambitious. Among the favourite weapons in her arsenal are criticism of (the other women’s) work, discouragement, nonrecognition of achievements and applying a microscopic view to their work in order to find fault.

More of a ‘guy’ than a ‘gal’

According to the experts, the Queen Bee does not engage in healthy competition which is good for the work place. Instead, she uses the power of authority she holds in order to intimidate or bully women in up and coming positions. The Queen Bee is not very female-friendly, on the whole.

You could say she is more of a ‘guy’ than a ‘gal’ and will not stick up for women’s rights.

Since the initial study broke ground as way back as 1974, further studies have shown that most women dread working for a woman. They also find it stressful because ‘you never know what QB gets up to’. Yet, happily, not all female bosses are Queen Bees and will allow women to come up at the work place, nurture them and encourage them.

Some believe that the QBS do what they do in order to show the world that they do not favour women over men. Instead of finding common ground in being emphatic and multi-tasking, the Queen Bees never bond with the women under her. Instead, she contributes tremendously to the stress experienced by the women under her - some women have actually given up work when faced with a QB.

Bond with female workers important

So what does that tell us – have those labelled as Queen Bees actually had the time to look inward and realize that prejudice towards other women actually hurts us all in the long run, maybe if she could, she would? Can we teach younger women aspiring for positions of authority that bonding with your fellow female workers is important if the sisterhood is to thrive and source better, bigger opportunities for women everywhere?

There are various reasons why people do what they do. In the case of Queen Bee, perhaps the times she climbed the ladder, the experiences she faced, the bitterness of being one of the few women in a man’s world has coloured her view of women climbing the ladder more easily, with less prejudice and even less at stake. Women back then did not have maternity leave and child care facilities. They did not have day care centres and husbands who helped. They did not have the perks that most women today can look forward to. Maybe the Queen Bee feels she is justified in doing what she does but in the end, she is only holding on to a grudge that does nothing for her or for the women whose progress she seeks to halt or limit.

“People with clenched fists cannot shake hands” – Indira Gandhi

DON'T OUR CHILDREN MATTER ANYMORE?

TAKEN FROM CEYLON DAILY NEWS ARCHIVES 29TH FEB 2012

Personally, I find any news unpalatable when it is about a missing child. Last week was a lot more unpalatable; a five year old boy had been abused beyond all accepted norms and died as a result of his injuries.

He was my daughter’s age - something tugged at my heart as I read about his injuries and eventual death. He was finally at peace, beyond the grip of his evil father who had repeatedly abused the boy. Then there was the story about the toddler who was kidnapped - by her own uncle - demanding a ransom. Mercifully, police acted fast and the girl was found.

On top of this comes the story of a six year old girl whose father was killed while both of them rode the bike and who has since been taken away by the assailants who shot her father. She was lucky enough to be found, apparently left with her aunt before her father set out on his fateful journey.

Something is very very wrong in our world as we know it. We used to be a people who were moved at the slightest misfortune of a fellow human being. We used to be a people whose children, according to Robert Knox, were raised by the entire village. The dynamics seem to have changed drastically since. In today’s context, it seems the most harmful folk reside in the child’s immediate and trusted circle.

National framework

I remember reading the much loved children’s author Sybil Wettesinghe’s book on her enchanting childhood spent in the serenity of an unspoilt Southern village in the early part of the 20th century. She talks of walking alone to a nearby school, eating a hopper ‘the size of a plate’ at a village eatery. Children could trust their immediate environs that were safe enough to roam, back then. Today, any parent would want to hover over a child going to school or for outside activity. Yes indeed dynamics have changed.

And yet there are mechanisms in place that are supposed to protect the children. They need to develop a national framework that will prevent abuse of the innocents across the different institutions. Although the society at large will express shock at an incident of child abuse, it seems the majority can digest the news with their breakfast.

Mental health issues

We need to come out of the shock state and do whatever we can to ensure we keep our children safe from the prowlers. We have this habit of blaming outside when things go wrong but as seen over and over again, children are abused by those closest to them, those they trust. The little girl who was kidnapped from her Montessori willingly went with her uncle because she knew him and felt safe with him. We need to look inward and closer - be vigilant not only when things go wrong but all the time. We all know that most abusers themselves have been abused as children. They have lived with deep scars and festering wounds inside of them that somehow drives them to harm an innocent child. If we as a society can address mental health issues better, we may be able to discover would-be perpetrators who can be dealt with before they actually commit a crime.

The parents need to be more vigilant than they seem to be. Trusting someone else with your child is something that must be done carefully, slowly and having evaluated the individual adequately. Even when you so entrust someone with your child, you need to watch for clues. If the child displays behaviour not in line with his or her normal behaviour patterns, let that be a red flag for attention.

We as parents need to develop listening and observation skills. Listen to our children not merely hear them - there is a difference. Mothers watching TV or fathers busy at work may hear what the children are saying but not acutely listen. We need to be attuned more to our children - watch for behaviour that may tell a story. An abused and victimized child will always try to tell the story in many different ways than what can be termed typical.

As a society, we owe it to ourselves to keep our children safe from those that can cause them harm. Sometimes the prowlers are online, while your child is communicating with him/her in the relative safety of home environs. We need to be vigilant on all areas and that means constantly being aware of the environs around our children, policing the areas that need monitoring.

Children are our most precious asset - we owe it to ourselves and to the society at large to do whatever we can to keep them protected and safe.

SRI LANKAN DISHES ON AUSTRALIA’S MASTERCHEF – POSSIBILITY OF CUISINE TOURISM?

Cooking is no longer the exclusive domain of professional chefs or so it seems. The phenomenal success of MasterChef reality TV programme that puts amateur chefs on the pedestal, has exploded throughout the world. From the UK where MasterChef initially kicked off to total block buster status in Australia and on to cult status in the US, MasterChef has done for amateur chefs what American Idol did for budding singers.

What captured my heart was Australian MasterChef – with a fine ethnic representation in its contestant line up, it was natural that the dishes created were fusion food, most with a hint of cultural representations of each contestant. It was great to see Kate Nugara who was among the MasterChef 2010 line up, call herself a half Sri Lankan. Her style of cooking was listed as Sri Lankan ; there were others who listed Thai and Asian as their own unique signature style of cooking.

The icing on the cake for Sri Lanka on MasterChef Australia came when celebrity chef Peter Kuruwita who spoke of his ‘deep Lankan roots’ created his own special take on Fish Ambulthiyal and Miris Malu. Goraka, karapincha and traditional Lankan spices took centre stage as Chef Kuruwita went about it. When the beloved Lankan dishes flew off the menu at his Flying Fish restaurant in the MasterChef episode, I sat wowed by the whole thing. This was good- this was potential for cuisine tourism. With some of the world’s finest chefs from Sri Lanka, cuisine tourism could easily become a new and innovative area for us as we look for new ways to re-package tourism.

Sri Lankan cuisine was the highlight of MasterChef Australia’s 64^th episode in the taste test. That’s not all – on the Junior MasterChef Australia, a young contestant Lucy cooked Sri Lankan Fish Curry , complete with pol sambol. The dish looked picture perfect and I was enjoying the elevation of pol sambol to cult dish status.

So what’s the catch here? It is no secret that we Lankans , at least the majority, need our rice and curry staple. I discovered how significant that was on a trip to the US. I had never dreamt of tempered dhal, dry fish badun and rice before. There’s plenty of promise in Sri Lankan cuisine. I remember how foreign friends swooned over ala hodhi – potato white curry. They positively begged for the recipe. As Chef Kuruwita’s MasterChef Australia dishes showed, the fragrance of karapincha, the pungent odors of goraka and the sweet smelling aroma of cinnamon could create culinary vistas tourists would come to cherish.

We are not talking savvy, sophisticated fusion dishes of elegant restaurants but the kind of comfort, simple fare on the tables of everyday Sri Lankan homes. The kind of comfort foods Nigella Lawson became famous for. Our own comfort foods – pol sambol and ala thel dala ( tempered potatoes ) could emerge easy winners in cuisine tourism. There’s always something sentimental, something so homely it touches you deep inside, about signature dishes of mothers everywhere. That’s just the kind of essence cuisine tourism can capture.

With Thai and Indian cuisine firmly established on the world’s cuisine stage, time has indeed come for Sri Lankan cuisine to rise and shine. Felicia Sorensen pioneered Lankan cuisine on the world stage long before anyone else – Charmaine Solomon has also been featured for her foray into beloved Lankan dishes, among her many Asian favourites . Having seen the potential for our own signature dishes, one can be certain of the interest they will attract if positioned and marketed right.

The world loves new textures, new dishes, new ideas – just the platter for humble Sri Lankan dishes to make their mark on the global culinary stage, perhaps as celebrated as the finest tea made here. Highlights could be the flavours of each dish, some made according to a regional recipe and others staple favourites of every Lankan. The diversity and the richness of the Sri Lankan dishes that compliment rice can offer healthy alternatives to rich soups and thick gravy. Given the recent emergence of coconut as a wonder plant, it would add the icing on the cake.

From apple pie to sushi, red curry, paella, nasigoreng, kimchi, bouillabaisse, sauerkraut and fish and chips, each nation has an in- built aura around dishes that once were strictly national but today are international favourites found on the menus everywhere. We too can look forward to seeing polos curry and pol sambol win cult status as some of the world’s favourite dishes.

What are you taking for granted?

A nineteen year old boy we know went from being an active, rugby playing teenager to a little more than a vegetable in less than 48 hours of being given a wrong injection. An injection given as a routine treatment. Turned out it was the wrong shot that almost took his life. He now lies on a hospital bed, his vision blurred, his skin almost falling off. He is not the only one - as I type this and as you read it, it dawns on me that most of us take good health, a blessed family and a content life for granted. Sometimes we are not thankful to God at all for the blessing we have. As the old song goes, Count all your Blessings and name them one by one...

If we bother to take a look around us, we'll see the pain behind the mask, the sorrow behind the smile. A lot of people live in misery, whether emotional, spiritual or financial. They may not tell you but often, a little bit of body language gives them away. I remember the e mail I got recently, one of those cheer-me-up stuff that e mail friends send to one another - be patient because everyone is fighting some kind of a battle today. Which brings me to my point - are we taking a lot for granted when we should be thankful to God for every little thing we have? It could all be gone in a blink of an eye or in the most unexpected moment. The tsunami and the lives it destroyed, the havoc it wrecked in all of ten long minutes, is always a good reminder to help us realise just how fragile life could be.

Often you see people turn to various outlets - some unacceptable others tolerable, to let off steam. None of us would know the battles others are fighting - we may sometimes see the surface or guess something is wrong but we would never know the whole story. I have come to steel myself to be surprised at nothing, especially the stories you hear. As someone once said, truth is indeed stranger than fiction and will stay that way.

It is always heartening to notice that when you expose your own fears, your own vulnerabilities a little the other person will always reciprocate and in no time, you have worked on a healthy, two way dialog that can be a wonderful way to let off steam. Sometimes for souls tortured, talking is a wonderful medicine,. For others, long suffering in relationships that stink, or trapped in dead-end lives, some battling with undiagnosed mental conditions others saddled with financial problems, some with aching hearts let down badly by a loved one, one kind word opens the door to a road of recovery that no medicine can bring about.

Visit any hospital anywhere and you will soon want to count your blessings. Sickness can rob anyone of life's joy. Sickness also makes you so helpless - even the mightiest fall. And it can happen in a twinkling of an eye. Counting good health as a great blessing is appropriate when you see the number of people suffering from disease and illness all over the world. Sometimes, more hurtful than physical illness is the mental agony of cheating spouses, ungrateful children and loved ones. We live in a country that does not encourage sharing talking about your problems. No wonder we have a high suicide rate - it always helps to talk, and as the old saying goes, if you have no one to tell it to, tell the lime tree so that you get it off your chest which is the main thing really.

Anything can happen tonight. Or tomorrow. Just look at how a financially solid giant fell last year bringing down with it hundreds of others whose savings of a lifetime was tied to it. To all of us, it should be a classic eye opener on the uncertainty of life. The fragility of what some of us think is forever. Today, some of those so called millionaires have become paupers and those whose monies went up in flames have nothing to hold on to in life.

Which is why we must take nothing for granted. Be thankful to God for everything we have. For we came with nothing to this world and we can take nothing with us when we leave it. What we can take is the goodwill, the kindness, the grace of God others have seen in our lives. And for that, we must be thankful.

What is the Change we want?

Just two weeks ago, a mother threw her toddler son over a bridge to a certain death in Kalutara, Sri Lanka. He survived the fall but passed away in a hospital a week or so later. Then came a another to the Homagama Courts where she gave up the custody of her children because she could not afford to bring them up. Thankfully, a few good Samaritans in the form of a police officer (yes they do exist, good Samaritan police officers) and a few well meaning businessmen of the area intervened and the mother was happily reunited with her children in a new home, with new clothes and food assured. One question after all this remains. Why?

And that's a large question. Some are quick to point the finger at an already collapsed economy unable to bear the weight of a colossal political system that sucks the lifeblood out of the country's resources. Others cite a never ending vicious cycle of ignorance and poverty that keep the majority of Sri Lankans languishing where they are. Still others blame the individuals concerned for being 'selfish' , going beyond all accepted norms of human behaviour. Now what is the conclusion we could arrive at?

The political system theory is right to an extent. Sri Lankans have always been fascinated by their politicians and continue to remain loyal to their particular brand of politics. Individuals are almost hero worshiped to the point of deity. Accountability, responsibility, transparency, positive governance are words that most us either ignore or do not care much about. Instead of asking what they could do for the country, among us the majority are those who choose to ignore all ills in the light of just one goal. Personal appeal, a nice smile, good PR or good spin can work wonders in transforming opinions. Achievements, actual projects implemented that benefit society at large are not important. The political culture emanates from individuals and keeps the opinions in check. When the political system makes the economy fall apart at the seams, breakdown firstly of values secondly of everything once held precious. And if a mother suffering the ill effects of such a sick economy could throw her son to a certain death, then it sends a clear signal to everyone else that something is very very wrong with the country's current status.

Then comes the part the cycle of poverty and ignorance plays in the life of the average Sri Lankan who falls into a lower socio-economic category. These people earn a daily living and often manage to scrape by. Fatalism, lack of opportunities and facilities and an in-built inability to escape their circumstances keep this lot 'stuck in a rut' of poverty. Ignorance haunts them, limiting their exposure to opportunities. Alcoholism, drug abuse, prostitution, child abuse are ever present evils that further handicap them from going one step above where they are destined to live and die. A few lucky ones whose sense of perseverance and success stand the test of time, may escape. The Kalutara mother obviously was caught in the familiar cycle which trapped her in its inescapable clutches. Instead of choosing to seek help, she chose an easy path even though it seemed obvious she would get caught. Even so, it may have been a death wish of sorts for her - it could have been depression, low self-esteem or so many of the conditions that in the west, would get treated. But here in a country where poverty reigns, mental health is not a priority. Even though a well known psychiatrist states that every one in five Sri Lankans suffer from some form of mental ill health.

There is also accountability that comes into play for the mother concerned. Why did she choose to have so many children - five in this case - if she could not afford to feed them? Sri Lanka has ageing population, we are supposed to have a low birth rate. The average Sri Lankan family has two children and three are considered too much. When men and women choose to have children out of boredom or necessity simply because a free health system exists and someone somewhere will always be willing to feed another mouth, they are naturally asking for trouble.

There are other factors at play here. Sri Lanka is blessed with lush greenery and there is always something around to feed hungry mouths. In the villages, unless a drought is in season, there is always jackfruit, bread fruit, sweet potatoes, coconuts, potatoes of different kinds or green leaves that can be easily begged from someone's garden. That's why Sri Lankans never go hungry, that they will always manage to have one meal a day. In the city, where even cow's dung must be bought, this is not always an option. Seasoned politicians know that city folk are tough nuts to crack with pure propaganda in contrast to the village folk whose rustic, easy going lifestyle benefits little from political interventions.

And so back to the question why - a combination of all of this convinced that mother that day to give up her most prized possession - her child. Ironic when you consider how many IVFs are done, how many women are yearning to get pregnant, how many couples long to become parents. It also depends on values that are imbibed in a society - just because you recite religious sentiments every morning or organised religion is given pride of place, values are not automatically acquired. In a society where empathy is not often its best feature, we continue to wonder why.