Friday, March 16, 2012

  • (Nayomini, a senior journalist/writer and a senior PR Professional can be contacted at nayominiweerasooriya@gmail. com)

The Queen Bee syndrome – Women against women at the workplace

The typical Queen Bee types show standard Alpha Male characteristics – dominant, ambitious, result driven and somewhat insecure about those who might hinder her development. She actually feels threatened by other women who might be younger, better or more ambitious

From page 1 We have all heard the stories, the legends, the gripes about her – the senior female executive who isn’t really attuned to the blooming careers of younger women under her. As much as I, like the rest of sisterhood, would love to deny it, it does exist. Specifically, she does exist. As women, all of us have met her, at one time or another and we recall the horror stories of the Queen Bee (QB), a term developed by a team of psychologists back in 1974, which included a Sri Lankan as well. Staines, Tavris and Jayaratne developed the concept of ‘Queen Bee’, based on a study of over 20,000 people.

“The Queen Bee who is successful in a male-dominated field feels little animosity toward the system that permitted her to reach the top, and little animosity toward the men who praise her for being so unique. She identifies with the specific male colleagues who are her reference group, rather than with the diffuse concept of women as a class. The Queen Bee thereby disassociates herself from the fundamental issues of equality for women, while reassuring her male colleagues that she is not of that militant ilk,” was how they defined their concept.

She is the glass ceiling

The Queen Bee has often had to work her way up the ladder the hard way. She doesn’t merely believe in the Glass Ceiling; she is the glass ceiling. She seems to pursue a singular rationale – she has had to work as hard as any man and it would only be fair that the women who came after her should not have it any easier. Some believe that the Queen Bee also acts out of lesser conclusive motives – such as envy and envy’s cousin, jealousy.

In a study that supports the Queen Bee theory, the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin conducted a research exercise in which older female participants clearly showed prejudice against female leaders than male or younger participants. The concept as a valid ground for harassment at the work place has found favour, with so many law suits being filed against Queen Bee personalities who either threatened or sabotaged the career of a younger woman.

The typical Queen Bee types show standard Alpha Male characteristics – dominant, ambitious, result driven and somewhat insecure about those who might hinder her development. She actually feels threatened by other women who might be younger, better or more ambitious. Among the favourite weapons in her arsenal are criticism of (the other women’s) work, discouragement, nonrecognition of achievements and applying a microscopic view to their work in order to find fault.

More of a ‘guy’ than a ‘gal’

According to the experts, the Queen Bee does not engage in healthy competition which is good for the work place. Instead, she uses the power of authority she holds in order to intimidate or bully women in up and coming positions. The Queen Bee is not very female-friendly, on the whole.

You could say she is more of a ‘guy’ than a ‘gal’ and will not stick up for women’s rights.

Since the initial study broke ground as way back as 1974, further studies have shown that most women dread working for a woman. They also find it stressful because ‘you never know what QB gets up to’. Yet, happily, not all female bosses are Queen Bees and will allow women to come up at the work place, nurture them and encourage them.

Some believe that the QBS do what they do in order to show the world that they do not favour women over men. Instead of finding common ground in being emphatic and multi-tasking, the Queen Bees never bond with the women under her. Instead, she contributes tremendously to the stress experienced by the women under her - some women have actually given up work when faced with a QB.

Bond with female workers important

So what does that tell us – have those labelled as Queen Bees actually had the time to look inward and realize that prejudice towards other women actually hurts us all in the long run, maybe if she could, she would? Can we teach younger women aspiring for positions of authority that bonding with your fellow female workers is important if the sisterhood is to thrive and source better, bigger opportunities for women everywhere?

There are various reasons why people do what they do. In the case of Queen Bee, perhaps the times she climbed the ladder, the experiences she faced, the bitterness of being one of the few women in a man’s world has coloured her view of women climbing the ladder more easily, with less prejudice and even less at stake. Women back then did not have maternity leave and child care facilities. They did not have day care centres and husbands who helped. They did not have the perks that most women today can look forward to. Maybe the Queen Bee feels she is justified in doing what she does but in the end, she is only holding on to a grudge that does nothing for her or for the women whose progress she seeks to halt or limit.

“People with clenched fists cannot shake hands” – Indira Gandhi

Thursday, March 15, 2012

DON'T OUR CHILDREN MATTER ANYMORE?

TAKEN FROM CEYLON DAILY NEWS ARCHIVES 29TH FEB 2012




Personally, I find any news unpalatable when it is about a missing child. Last week was a lot more unpalatable; a five year old boy had been abused beyond all accepted norms and died as a result of his injuries.

He was my daughter’s age - something tugged at my heart as I read about his injuries and eventual death. He was finally at peace, beyond the grip of his evil father who had repeatedly abused the boy. Then there was the story about the toddler who was kidnapped - by her own uncle - demanding a ransom. Mercifully, police acted fast and the girl was found.

On top of this comes the story of a six year old girl whose father was killed while both of them rode the bike and who has since been taken away by the assailants who shot her father. She was lucky enough to be found, apparently left with her aunt before her father set out on his fateful journey.

Something is very very wrong in our world as we know it. We used to be a people who were moved at the slightest misfortune of a fellow human being. We used to be a people whose children, according to Robert Knox, were raised by the entire village. The dynamics seem to have changed drastically since. In today’s context, it seems the most harmful folk reside in the child’s immediate and trusted circle.

National framework

I remember reading the much loved children’s author Sybil Wettesinghe’s book on her enchanting childhood spent in the serenity of an unspoilt Southern village in the early part of the 20th century. She talks of walking alone to a nearby school, eating a hopper ‘the size of a plate’ at a village eatery. Children could trust their immediate environs that were safe enough to roam, back then. Today, any parent would want to hover over a child going to school or for outside activity. Yes indeed dynamics have changed.

And yet there are mechanisms in place that are supposed to protect the children. They need to develop a national framework that will prevent abuse of the innocents across the different institutions. Although the society at large will express shock at an incident of child abuse, it seems the majority can digest the news with their breakfast.

Mental health issues

We need to come out of the shock state and do whatever we can to ensure we keep our children safe from the prowlers. We have this habit of blaming outside when things go wrong but as seen over and over again, children are abused by those closest to them, those they trust. The little girl who was kidnapped from her Montessori willingly went with her uncle because she knew him and felt safe with him. We need to look inward and closer - be vigilant not only when things go wrong but all the time. We all know that most abusers themselves have been abused as children. They have lived with deep scars and festering wounds inside of them that somehow drives them to harm an innocent child. If we as a society can address mental health issues better, we may be able to discover would-be perpetrators who can be dealt with before they actually commit a crime.

The parents need to be more vigilant than they seem to be. Trusting someone else with your child is something that must be done carefully, slowly and having evaluated the individual adequately. Even when you so entrust someone with your child, you need to watch for clues. If the child displays behaviour not in line with his or her normal behaviour patterns, let that be a red flag for attention.

We as parents need to develop listening and observation skills. Listen to our children not merely hear them - there is a difference. Mothers watching TV or fathers busy at work may hear what the children are saying but not acutely listen. We need to be attuned more to our children - watch for behaviour that may tell a story. An abused and victimized child will always try to tell the story in many different ways than what can be termed typical.

As a society, we owe it to ourselves to keep our children safe from those that can cause them harm. Sometimes the prowlers are online, while your child is communicating with him/her in the relative safety of home environs. We need to be vigilant on all areas and that means constantly being aware of the environs around our children, policing the areas that need monitoring.

Children are our most precious asset - we owe it to ourselves and to the society at large to do whatever we can to keep them protected and safe.